I've been meaning to start something like this for about close to a year, but just never found it within myself to sit down with all these stories I've heard, feelings I've felt and try to string them into coherent sentences and construct them into paragraphs and turn them into stories that I can look back on. It's hard. I haven't been writing much and I'm coming up with way too many excuses not to do this.
But tonight, over dinner with my mother and my paternal grandmother (supposedly nai nai, but we've been calling her popo ever since we could speak and none of the adults bothered correcting us so.. popo it is), I learnt something new again about my grandparents and managed to have a little sneak peak into my father's childhood. I believe that there's always a little magic behind listening to childhood stories of your parents and grandparents. Taking a few minutes to listen to your grandma talk about how she met your grandpa, how they were struggling to make it through tough times with three young kids etc etc.
I'd say that discovering how your family came about and how they were brought up is sort of introspective? It causes you to self-examine and perhaps get a bit more clarity as to why your parents react to things in a certain way etc. I'm a relatively strong believer in the whole "how your parents were brought up inevitably has a sort of effect on how the kids get brought up" thing. So listening to stories from popo tonight just sparked that feeling of warmth and as cheesy as it sounds, grounding me and my understanding about myself and my family a little bit more.
I spent a majority of my early childhood days growing up in my paternal grandparents' flat at kim kiat. That flat still brings back a massive wave of nostalgia every time I visit it - but that's another story on its own. What I'm trying to drive at is that when I used to visit my grandparents, at the corner right before we enter the kitchen, there were two huge fish tanks. Yes, we're talking about fishes for a bit. I never liked fishes.
There was always this huge scary looking fish on living in the top fish tank, I say scary because my grandpa always warned us to never stick our hands in there because it'll bite our fingers off. The other tank at the bottom usually had the smaller, prettier looking fishes. For the longest time, one of the things my cousins and I would line up to do was to reach out for the red-frozen-worms-in-a-cube thingum from the freezer to feed the fierce fish, let's just call him Bob. It was always so fascinating, we'd glue our eyes to the tank watching the cube slowly disintegrate into little red strings, and Bob would swallow it one by one (sometimes Bob gets a little impatient and just swallows the whole cube before it even disintegrates). I never knew where the fishes came from, but all I knew was that the smaller fishes were always dying but somehow gong gong managed to constantly have new ones in the tank, and bob still reigned the top tank for the longest time.
Gong gong used to work at the police force as a car mechanic. I learnt that civil servants could retire at the age of 55 and it never occurred to me to ask the question: so what did gong gong work as after 55? Did he even work? He was always just a grandfather to me, and I say it in the most passive way because I never took the initiative to bother about what he did after retirement. I only remembered him taking us out to play, buying us food (paos, longans and chee kueh) and shoving dollar notes into our hands when our parents weren't looking and saying, "go buy something nice for yourselves." I have so many regrets because I was ignorant and self centered when I was a kid (aren't we all a little, though?), and I never took the effort to ask him or find out how he spent his days after being a car mechanic, besides playing the role of my grandfather.
So what I found out tonight was that, after retiring as a car mechanic, my dad convinced gong gong to find something else to do with his time instead of idling around, because he might get too addicted to gambling (I learnt what 4D and TOTO was when I was a kid thanks to gong gong, because he'd always be flipping the newspapers to the winning page), so gong gong did.
popo: your gong gong knew some people and he got himself a job in a fish farm!
me: was it nearby home?
popo: no. It was in Jurong, but there was always a pickup truck that picked him up from our house. He used to work in the cold room, where a lot of the fishes were stored.
mum: ya, he had to wear a coat and boots in and out of the cold room.
me: and he was old.. but working in a cold room.
popo: your gong gong enjoyed it and that's why he got to bring back so many fishes!
me: the ones that we always saw in the fish tanks?!
popo: yes! but your gong gong left after a while because he was getting older and he could not tahan the cold room anymore.
me: then what did he do after working at the fish farm?
You see, everything's a little bit new to me. I knew very little about gong gong and the last few memories I have of him are ones of him being very sick, very angry and cancer was just devouring every spark of joy within him. I struggle a bit to recall memories of him but one thing's for sure- everyone tells me that I was his favourite and I can remember all the small actions of love he had showed me and I guess that's why now whenever I listen to stories of him, I get a little bit emotional about it.
Shortly after gong gong left the fish farm, he started to work as a part time toilet cleaner at the SAFRA opposite his place. That's another story for the next time. If I ever get to it.
Just thought I'd get it out on this platform before I regret and forget. Those two things are the worst.
Till the next, to whoever's reading this. You too, future Rachel.
But tonight, over dinner with my mother and my paternal grandmother (supposedly nai nai, but we've been calling her popo ever since we could speak and none of the adults bothered correcting us so.. popo it is), I learnt something new again about my grandparents and managed to have a little sneak peak into my father's childhood. I believe that there's always a little magic behind listening to childhood stories of your parents and grandparents. Taking a few minutes to listen to your grandma talk about how she met your grandpa, how they were struggling to make it through tough times with three young kids etc etc.
I'd say that discovering how your family came about and how they were brought up is sort of introspective? It causes you to self-examine and perhaps get a bit more clarity as to why your parents react to things in a certain way etc. I'm a relatively strong believer in the whole "how your parents were brought up inevitably has a sort of effect on how the kids get brought up" thing. So listening to stories from popo tonight just sparked that feeling of warmth and as cheesy as it sounds, grounding me and my understanding about myself and my family a little bit more.
I spent a majority of my early childhood days growing up in my paternal grandparents' flat at kim kiat. That flat still brings back a massive wave of nostalgia every time I visit it - but that's another story on its own. What I'm trying to drive at is that when I used to visit my grandparents, at the corner right before we enter the kitchen, there were two huge fish tanks. Yes, we're talking about fishes for a bit. I never liked fishes.
There was always this huge scary looking fish on living in the top fish tank, I say scary because my grandpa always warned us to never stick our hands in there because it'll bite our fingers off. The other tank at the bottom usually had the smaller, prettier looking fishes. For the longest time, one of the things my cousins and I would line up to do was to reach out for the red-frozen-worms-in-a-cube thingum from the freezer to feed the fierce fish, let's just call him Bob. It was always so fascinating, we'd glue our eyes to the tank watching the cube slowly disintegrate into little red strings, and Bob would swallow it one by one (sometimes Bob gets a little impatient and just swallows the whole cube before it even disintegrates). I never knew where the fishes came from, but all I knew was that the smaller fishes were always dying but somehow gong gong managed to constantly have new ones in the tank, and bob still reigned the top tank for the longest time.
Gong gong used to work at the police force as a car mechanic. I learnt that civil servants could retire at the age of 55 and it never occurred to me to ask the question: so what did gong gong work as after 55? Did he even work? He was always just a grandfather to me, and I say it in the most passive way because I never took the initiative to bother about what he did after retirement. I only remembered him taking us out to play, buying us food (paos, longans and chee kueh) and shoving dollar notes into our hands when our parents weren't looking and saying, "go buy something nice for yourselves." I have so many regrets because I was ignorant and self centered when I was a kid (aren't we all a little, though?), and I never took the effort to ask him or find out how he spent his days after being a car mechanic, besides playing the role of my grandfather.
So what I found out tonight was that, after retiring as a car mechanic, my dad convinced gong gong to find something else to do with his time instead of idling around, because he might get too addicted to gambling (I learnt what 4D and TOTO was when I was a kid thanks to gong gong, because he'd always be flipping the newspapers to the winning page), so gong gong did.
popo: your gong gong knew some people and he got himself a job in a fish farm!
me: was it nearby home?
popo: no. It was in Jurong, but there was always a pickup truck that picked him up from our house. He used to work in the cold room, where a lot of the fishes were stored.
mum: ya, he had to wear a coat and boots in and out of the cold room.
me: and he was old.. but working in a cold room.
popo: your gong gong enjoyed it and that's why he got to bring back so many fishes!
me: the ones that we always saw in the fish tanks?!
popo: yes! but your gong gong left after a while because he was getting older and he could not tahan the cold room anymore.
me: then what did he do after working at the fish farm?
You see, everything's a little bit new to me. I knew very little about gong gong and the last few memories I have of him are ones of him being very sick, very angry and cancer was just devouring every spark of joy within him. I struggle a bit to recall memories of him but one thing's for sure- everyone tells me that I was his favourite and I can remember all the small actions of love he had showed me and I guess that's why now whenever I listen to stories of him, I get a little bit emotional about it.
Shortly after gong gong left the fish farm, he started to work as a part time toilet cleaner at the SAFRA opposite his place. That's another story for the next time. If I ever get to it.
Just thought I'd get it out on this platform before I regret and forget. Those two things are the worst.
Till the next, to whoever's reading this. You too, future Rachel.
