Dear people of the internet,

it seems like after 8 years of blogging rubbish/thoughts/feelings/howmydayswent or whatnot..... my blogging bug is finally dying out.

I'm running out of things to talk about and its like nothing interests me anymore. And all I ever want to blog about is to tell you guys how much I question my purpose in life more and more each day as I sit in more lectures I hate in uni. Because really, why am I learning crazy ass hard formulas and trying to balance hypothetical business transactions every week when it's something I'm not even passionate about?

My dad once told me that those who get to study and work for something that they're really excited and passionate about are lucky because that only happens to a few. Guess I'm not so lucky.

ANYWAY since my life is slowly edging towards nothingness and emptiness, all I can ever do is stare at my tutorial homework and watch downloaded (crappy) korean dramas - I now warn you, to never watch "To the Beautiful You" because it's a rubbish interpretation of the Hana-Kimi story thingum.

So fellow friends and beloved readers who actually still come by this empty, useless space:

I really appreciate it but maybe it might be time for us to say our goodbyes.
But before we do,

please tell me something, ANYTHING about your day/ your life/ a story or a joke you just heard or WHATEVER YOU THINK OF HEREHEREHERHEHREHERHERHEHREHRE

I beg of you. Before I watch even more shitty korean dramas and I will fail my entire semester.

:-)

take care xx

Meeting different people have different effects on me and sometimes I don't even know if it's a good thing or not. People say that ignorance is bliss and sometimes not knowing certain things might actually be good for you.

But am I good enough though?

When you're constantly surrounded by people who are of the same kind it's hard not to wonder about the fact that if you actually belong to the right crowd.

Weekends are spent procrastinating on assignments that are due in 7 days' time.
University is really sucking the life out of me and I need a break NOW.

So keep in happiness and torture me while I tell you let's go in style

FearlessRecords just uploaded acoustic sets of Vic from PTV playing two of my favourite songs from them. Truth to be told their whole album "Collide With the Sky" is pure genius, go take a listen if you haven't already.

Haven't really been listening to them lately and stumbling upon them again really brings back memories to when I was blasting their music almost 24/7 - presoundwave and post soundwave period. (haha my palmerston friends can totally back me up on this)

Got reminded on why the lyrics meant so much to me back then and how I always believed that music can make someone feel better- it really did. I went to soundwave, saw them play my favourite songs live, and I was 100000x better. No joke. 

Really missing soundwave though. 

Last night Jasmine stayed over and we ate, talked and watched a korean show. We woke up this morning and I cooked spaghetti for the both of us. We caught up on so many things we missed out on each others' lives, talked about our early Trinity days where we spent our weekends getting drunk with Chaewon, doing the stupidest things with Chaewon and Sherwynn etc. Planned our korea trip in January, which I am super duper excited about. 

Can't wait can't wait can't wait. Can January 2014 come any sooner?? I'm so sick and tired of uni already. Everything's really fast paced and it's like I'm slowly lagging behind when everyone seems to be right on track. 

-deep breaths- The aim is to survive till the end of each week and that itself, is a success. 

Well, fuck what am I supposed to be? 

Impressed?

You're just another set of bones laid to rest. 

/

Hope you had a really good time. 

Deadlines will seriously be the death of me. #punintended

Quantitative Meothods, I really hate you. But not as much as Financial Accounting. Because that honestly takes my hate for accounting to a whole new level.

Missed church today because I was up till 3 trying to create a fricking beautiful histogram and constructing 2 frequency tables with 2000+ data in it.

God please forgive me for the sins I have done. :-(

Stumbled across this video again today. 

Found myself smiling and laughing at the video and how ridiculous I looked. 

I miss all of my friends. Every single one that made it to the airport to send me off. And it really amazes me at how much things can change in one year. Some people aren't as close as they were anymore, people move on, bla bla. 

This is the epitome of bittersweet, and I doubt anything can ever top that.

Don't know if all of this that has been happening recently is a sign or....
well maybe I'm just thinking too much into it. I don't know.

Today I was crossing the road to get to the tram stop with Tim and Shona, and I bumped into one of my ex-trinity classmates- we were never actually that close, mainly on a hi-bye basis. She was waiting to cross the road with her ear piece on. We waved while walking past each other but a second later she stopped to face me, took out her ear piece and said, "You look very pretty today, Rachel!"

It was by far one of the most sincere compliments I've ever received. Not that I get it a lot, because I don't ever really get them, neither do I actually believe in them but I was really touched that someone I barely even knew would say something to someone she barely even knew as well.

On wednesday there was a guy that introduced himself to me but nothing happened. But it's still a right step in the right direction, right? I mean I managed to actually carry out a conversation with a total stranger alone. Even though I awkwardly went back to waiting for my friend and continuously checking twitter, I mentally gave myself a pat on the back for at least trying and stepping out of my comfort zone.

On Tuesday a guy in my class moved from his table to sit down with me and introduced himself and we did pair work together. I didn't stutter, managed to make sufficient eye contact and didn't die from nervousness.

This is definitely not an ego boost or in any way boasting, but this may be the kind of confidence I've been lacking for a very long time now. Not that I have any confidence, but I can feel it building up slowly, like from a -1 to like a 0 now. Bit by bit, I'll be better again.

Tim has been consistently telling me that I shouldn't be so negative about myself and have a more positive outlook on life. (maybe this is because he's taking "positivity" as his breath subject in uni lol)
It's rubbing off me and I'm not complaining. Surrounding myself with the right company, good vibes and lots of laughter is always good medicine for the soul.

I'm glad things are slowly starting to turn around.
Hopefully things are going to get better.

Someone said I looked pretty today, and just for tonight-
I'll believe it. :-)

-intoxicate-

They say being drunk enhances your emotions. It's weird that I didn't find myself crying my eyes out in the middle of the dance floor on friday. Because lately I've been feeling like shit, so when I got drunk, I should just have felt even shittER. 

Who knew I'd be an extremely happy drunk crazy bitch, screaming at my friends faces and squealing their names whenever I bumped into them on the dance floor. Dancing with my different groups of friends, even dancing with other groups of people on the dance floor haha. Laughing, smiling, pointing and waving at everyone on the dance floor. 

(All these were being told to me the next day after I recovered from a crazy night from partying too hard, haha)

Of course, a huge thank you and all the love I can give to my lovely, wonderful friends who took care of me when I got drunk even though some of them didn't know each other. And Jasmine for comforting the Palmerston kids to let me have fun when there was a gross pervert trying to dance with me. (I didn't even get his name lol)((ok i think he did tell me his name when I retardedly stuck out my hand to shake his and introduced myself because i assured my friends so confidently that he was my friend)((i think it was nate/nathan/nathaniel/daniel?!?!!??!)((i obv didn't catch it))

I was never the type who liked clubbing and drinking and getting drunk and all that flashing lights with loud banging beats and teetings. 

But dancing with good company, amazing beats and house music + remixes of chart toppers, and plus a little bit of alcohol to get rid of my awkwardness-

I'd say it was a great friday night well spent. 

this friday, let's go one more time. 

(I promise I won't drink more than 4 types of alcohol at once.)

So overwhelming. That's the only way I can describe uni life.

Maybe it's the first week jitters and moving around a campus I'm not familiar with, but uni life doesn't really seem that crazy and fun like what others have talked about. People say that uni life the time of your life. Ha. I swear that only describes my secondary school days.

Meh.
Maybe it's because I haven't settled in.

Maybe I'm just giving myself too many excuses to comfort myself with.

Ok whatever it is, I'm thankful for the friends I've got. :-)