Refreshed.

The weeks drone on and we've already reached the end of week 10. Same stories same complaints every week, on how everything is so damn tiring.

I would say that I'm much more motivated than I was as compared to last semester, but given that last sem I barely did anything and felt anything the whole time..... I don't know how motivated is motivated as of now.

School is so exhausting, same shit I say every week. It's a miracle that I always manage to pull through the week. And it's not like the next week will be any better. Assignments due at the beginning of the last two weeks and the coming one, so basically that really just burns off my weekends, stressed out as shit in front of my laptop, getting all my group mates to go onto google docs, cutting words to meet the word limit, only sleeping at 3 am..... it's painful man.

I'm seriously drained and mentally so exhausted sometimes I feel as though I'm just passing through school like its a blur and I don't even know what I'm studying. But I guess we have to sometimes take things in a positive light. I don't know how I've been doing it or maybe it's just listening to stories from people, drawing something out of their positive mindsets and energy they seem to exude. It refreshes me time and time again, constantly reminding me that there's really a light at the end of the tunnel - regardless of how small that beam of light is.

This week Sherwynn, Jasmine and I were having this conversation about how much school sucked and where did time go bla bla bla and I threw out the question of how on earth does everyone stay motivated given that it's already week 10. Sherwynn said, "Every night I go to bed dreaming about the day I become a doctor. That's what keeps me going. My future. And every night I think about the life that I want to lead, my kids, my husband... everything, and I get so pumped up and motivated to keep going."

I paused for a moment because that never occurred to me. And it hit me hard. Because I was so amazed by the fact that by just thinking about the future would allow someone to stay so motivated. Too many times I've been telling everyone around me (be it jokingly) "the future is bleak, people." or "It doesn't get any better." But I guess perspective is really important and the change starts from the mentality you have.

The last 2 weeks were one of the shittiest, in terms of other things besides studies as well. And too many times I've felt like quitting and just asking anyone, or everyone WHY this is happening to us. It didn't make sense and I've felt angry, sad and so lost all at once. Guess that's why the only thing I can really do is just to leave these issues to the big guy up there and just focus on the only thing I can do right now - which is to study.

Yay, feeling so motivated and pumped up. Tomorrow I've got a group meeting at 2pm and we're planning to complete everything by 6pm. There goes my saturday. :-):-):-)

Oh yes, and I finally decided to go for OCF tonight instead of opting for a night spent at the club. It was one of the better decisions I've made so far for my friday nights. Made some new friends over some good bonding time. Also, 3 hours of worship and prayer was really emotionally tiring but at the same time, it's refreshing. Hopefully this will last me a while.