Thank you. I love it how you completely erased me from your past- as if nothing actually happened, and it's amazing because since forever we've been set on the fact that we were nothing more than that. I love how we're in this state now, it's so funny because we used to be so sure that things wouldn't end up like this but hey we were so young and so bloody foolish. Even the best friendships end up broken sometimes and I guess we were no exception. I love it how we were not even considered "a thing of the past", and that we'll never ever talk about it, and our stories will be buried deep into the corner of our memories labelled "mistakes I never want to talk about". I love it how you used to tell me that I made you happy and how comfortable we were with each other but now we don't speak a single god damn word to one another. I don't exist in your stories and neither will you. That's great because what it was was nothing but lies, non existent feelings and a whole lot of bullshit. So thank you for making me feel so damn amazing today because I just absolutely love the feeling of being reminded about how insignificant I was and am and I fucking love it. Thank you. :-)
ps I hate the fact that I'm still blogging about this after so long.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
E L U S I V E
((Every night I just dream the same dream of you.))
It's like the calm before the storm, piece by piece I feel it slowly unravelling. Last night, in the midst of all these people - I was stuck in limbo once again, the state of utter confusion and disbelief. Blame it on the alcohol, cigarettes and the lack of sleep but somehow somewhere it all came back.
But that's why I like drinking and parties. Because you get too caught up in nothing and everything becomes a tad bit simpler in my head. Less that inner voice that kills the shit out of me sometimes, less the feeling of just wanting to sink into the floor and disappear from everyone, less all of these useless insecurities and truths that amplifies throughout my whole system 24/7. Alcohol gives you liquid courage and helps me fake it so damn well.
But that's also the same reason why I hate drinking. I lie, I lie I lie. The truths are what haunts me but I momentarily forget about them, substituting them with the feeling of light headedness from the endless amounts of whiskey, tequila and vodka shots accompanied by booming music and conversations with people I never seem to recall.
Ah, whatever.
There are better things to think about. Like whether or not I should go snowboarding tomorrow, aka in 2 hours.
It's like the calm before the storm, piece by piece I feel it slowly unravelling. Last night, in the midst of all these people - I was stuck in limbo once again, the state of utter confusion and disbelief. Blame it on the alcohol, cigarettes and the lack of sleep but somehow somewhere it all came back.
But that's why I like drinking and parties. Because you get too caught up in nothing and everything becomes a tad bit simpler in my head. Less that inner voice that kills the shit out of me sometimes, less the feeling of just wanting to sink into the floor and disappear from everyone, less all of these useless insecurities and truths that amplifies throughout my whole system 24/7. Alcohol gives you liquid courage and helps me fake it so damn well.
But that's also the same reason why I hate drinking. I lie, I lie I lie. The truths are what haunts me but I momentarily forget about them, substituting them with the feeling of light headedness from the endless amounts of whiskey, tequila and vodka shots accompanied by booming music and conversations with people I never seem to recall.
Ah, whatever.
There are better things to think about. Like whether or not I should go snowboarding tomorrow, aka in 2 hours.
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