E L U S I V E

((Every night I just dream the same dream of you.))

It's like the calm before the storm, piece by piece I feel it slowly unravelling. Last night, in the midst of all these people - I was stuck in limbo once again, the state of utter confusion and disbelief. Blame it on the alcohol, cigarettes and the lack of sleep but somehow somewhere it all came back.

But that's why I like drinking and parties. Because you get too caught up in nothing and everything becomes a tad bit simpler in my head. Less that inner voice that kills the shit out of me sometimes, less the feeling of just wanting to sink into the floor and disappear from everyone, less all of these useless insecurities and truths that amplifies throughout my whole system 24/7. Alcohol gives you liquid courage and helps me fake it so damn well.
But that's also the same reason why I hate drinking. I lie, I lie I lie. The truths are what haunts me but I momentarily forget about them, substituting them with the feeling of light headedness from the endless amounts of whiskey, tequila and vodka shots accompanied by booming music and conversations with people I never seem to recall.

Ah, whatever.
There are better things to think about. Like whether or not I should go snowboarding tomorrow, aka in 2 hours.