|| THOUGHTS WITH TONSILLITIS: WAS BLIND, BUT NOW I SEE ||

The past 5 days could probably be called "The Most". The most number of calls I made to my mum and family, the most number of pills I've taken (this includes a full box of Neurofen, panadol and finishing up my antibiotics), the most number of times I've gotten headaches in my life (no kidding), the most number of times I've gotten fevers (because they came on and off), and lastly, it might not be "the most" but I certainly had one of the highest temperatures in a very, very long time. 

I initially wanted to do up a post, filled with details of how my last 5 days in complete torture went-how much I cried and cried and couldn't cry, how hurt (hurt can't even describe the betrayal - some might call it) I was when the closest friends I thought would come "ASAP!!!!" to help - didn't, and how superficial words meant and how stupid I was to take it to heart so easily. But I decided against it. 

Because.... I decided that I should do up a post about thankfulness instead. Now every time I open my fridge door, there's always this warm fuzzy feeling (cliche, sorry) knowing that the stuff in there were all hastily brought over by my grandaunt who got calls from my grandma back in Singapore to give to me. Like they always say: my fridge is full and so, my heart and stomach are full. 

Things to be thankful #1: Family

As you can see, this isn't a recent photo. I just miss the times when Josh was shorter than me holla 2012

When you're in the state that I was in, alone in Melbourne, with relatives living in a suburb that is about a 30 - 40 minute drive from the city, what do you do? 

I called my mum, 6,060 km away from me - just like any smart person with a high fever and tonsillitis would.

My mum probably hated getting calls from her daughter for 5 days straight, constantly crying and mumbling out words that usually just sounds like "...... TAKE ME HOME" or ".....MUMMY PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IT'S SO PAINFUL" or "I HAVE EXAMS NEXT WEEK I CAN'T STUDY I CAN'T FAIL EITHER MUMMY". 

My aunt got pulled into the picture too, so she was always texting me or calling me asking if my throat got better or fever subsided. My aunt's friend - who's a family friend and a doctor, got involved too, being my whatsapp doctor for the week because my mum and aunt believed the doctors here were useless because, I quote, "what kind of doctor Rachel go see, see 2 times also still sick?!" 

Both my grandmas also got involved. One (top) was actively involved, because she was the one that called up my grandaunt here and activated their whole family to make their way down to the city on Saturday. So my uncle, grandaunt came down specially to rub some Chinese medicine all over me and deliver me food and snacks because they thought I was starving (which is partially true). They got my second cousin to make another trip down in the evening after his shift to come and see me because he's a doctor and would provide the right medical reassurance. And he sure did. 

He checked up on me, listened to the pains I went through for 5 days, and prayed for me. 

That prayer and whatever he said to me gave me such a huge blanket of comfort - is this a logical metaphor? hahah idk. 

Things to be thankful for #2: Lynn Ng 

On Thursday - the night I had ran one of the highest fevers I've had in a long time, Lynn came to my rescue. I am so thankful for her because before she came, I was crying for help in my room, helplessly calling my mum because I couldn't even stand up right to walk to the kitchen to heat up my first meal of the day. Lynn came over and stayed by my side for the whole evening, from heating up my meal, to washing up, cleaning up, feeding me my meds, tucking me in and we even took our friendship to the next level by having her rub a hard boiled egg wrapped in a towel all over me (my mum asked her to do this but sadly it didn't bring down the fever, but Lynn sure did have a good laugh). Hahaha, I was so sick I couldn't even laugh at how ridiculous the whole situation was at that time. I am so indebted to this girl I really didn't think anyone would have taken so much effort and time off studying to make sure I was relatively comfortable given the state I was in. 

Thank you thank you thank you Lynn, for taking care of me, checking up to see if I'm alright and doing everything else you did. I love you. 

Also, huge shoutout to Kevin for buying me that bottle of honey lemon tea. I was really touched by that gesture. Made my whole weekend :'-)

Things to be thankful for #3: God

Found this saying on Tumblr a couple of days ago, "God sometimes doesn't want to change your situation because he wants to change your heart." Throughout the past 5 days, I prayed non stop for God to change the state that I was in, but it only got worse by the day. My mum told me I wasn't praying with faith, not enough conviction that God will help me through this. But I was, and I prayed with thankfulness, gratefulness, asked God for forgiveness for my sins... but my health condition worsened by the day. I couldn't study well, eat well nor sleep well. 

And then I realised, the past few weeks I've been praying and asking God to have some form of breakthrough in my life, because I wanted to draw near to him again. I cut back on church this semester, filled with excuses - mainly the inability to sleep at night, hated myself for the fact that I'm always only ever going to God whenever I seem to be in trouble or need help. So many times that I could thank God, I didn't. But one day I found the peace within me and realised that maybe this is how things are going to work out, God comes at our lowest points in life, to bring us up again.  

And the prayer that I've been praying for, a breakthrough, finally came! In the form of Tonsillitis and all the other wonderful things that came along with it. :-) 

It wasn't the breakthrough that I was expecting, but it certainly did break me down. Good. 

Every day before I got out of bed, I prayed for God to enable me to stand without feeling giddy. Every night before I went to sleep, I prayed for God to take away the nightmares and cold sweat at night. After 5 days of praying, and crying out for God's help and peace (literally), I've learnt to be thankful. For God for seeing me through this, to learn how to be grateful for even the smallest things, like standing upright without feeling dizzy at all. It surprises me every time, how God seems to reveal himself to you in one way or another.

This song was a timely reminder for me and I hope it works its way into you, too. 

Empty handed

but not forsaken

I've been set free

//

So take this heart Lord

I'll be your vessel 

the world to see 

Your life in me

To future Rachel when you are all well and healthy: 

1. Remember that God will not forsake you, no matter how much isolation you might feel. God will never put you through things that you cannot go through. 

2. Family will always, always love you. This includes them taking a 30 minute drive to rub egg and glutinous rice flour all over your body because it would help in reducing the heatiness. It also includes them calling doctors all sorts of names because he couldn't prescribe you the right medication, which would also then lead to your mother speed posting you a whole bunch of medication from Singapore - first class. 

3. Friends do indeed come and go, and even the one that you thought would come rushing to help you in your weakest will disappoint you. Stop taking words to heart so easily and trusting them 100%. People lie, too. Also, you're probably not as important to them as they are to you, so maybe stopping with the self indulgence might help...I'm still working on that lol. But hey, you know what? On the bright side, there are some friends that can be great pillars of strength when you least expect it. And those are the ones you should learn to treasure more in your life. :-)

I was blind, but now I see. 

Till next time, 

xx