PLEASE IGNORE

That feeling of always picking at an old scab.

Tonight, over hot korean stew and rice wine, a friend struck a deal with me that if he told me his kept secrets about his most recent relationship/fling, I would have to tell him about someone I liked a lot.
I hate that it's still you - that's all. That you're still the last person. So when people go about asking, it will always be you. I hate it that every time I verbally put it out there, it sets me up in this mood again that I absolutely despise.

I hate that I can't bring myself to write out long, sappy, "I'll always be here for you" letters/emails, and that I can't bring myself to believe those words when people say that to me now. Because we all know how it ended and these are all just..... fucking empty words. How I wish I could just erase you from the history of people I've ever emotionally invested in. Majority of investors never believed in creating a portfolio and investing 100% into a single stock, it was far too risky. Therefore the whole "spreading your eggs in different baskets" came about, a bit here in stock A and a bit over there in stock B. I made a mistake by investing my 100% in you, and I came out like this. Now, I hate myself for being unable to invest even 1% into something new because of what everything we were amounted to.