In Transit

It's been a while, blog. 

I've been busy dying getting by in summer school- studying for my exams, and taking my exams. Surprisingly it passed by so quick, I think my brain lagged in understanding the pressure and tiredness I was actually feeling, so the stress didn't exactly kick in that much. 

So it's finally the holidays!!! (Techincally) 

It's O-Week and SSS has to be there, so I've got to be in uni the coming week, haha no rest for the hustlers eh. 

I've been trying to work some stuff out with my head and heart, trying to get things in line. Also, I think it's time to actually do something about my aim to gain some clarity this year. So far, 2015 has been quite shitty, besides school - everything else still seems like a black hole with that whole sinking feeling. I still find myself unable to get out of bed and the dreadful feeling still looms over me far too many times than it should be happening. 

And so, I've been thinking about a personal project, but since this blog is way more personal, I'll just let whoever reads this in onto what I've been thinking of doing -

(because I read somewhere that if you physically type out or verbalize your thoughts, there's a higher chance that you will actually carry out your plan)  

I'm going to start a completely different blog, just to try out for this year, to keep that space all positive- with a collection of things I find myself enjoying, food I've eaten that I like, stories I've heard that have inspired me, people I've met that made my day/week/life, and just things that keep me inspired, motivated and things that made my 2015 a little bit clearer. 

I want to find out what are the things that I like, things - anything that interest me and the people I've learned from. 

What do you guys think?

Bought a corkboard today for my study table and decided to print out some pictures with my support system back in Singapore, so I played around with some photos and photoshop is so darn complicated. But I reckon it's always fun to learn something new eh. :-) 

1 week (or so) of holidays, let's go!

I've also finally got my butt to doing something on my 8tracks account besides just listening to other people's playlists. 

It's just a short playlist with some of the songs that has been on repeat, getting me through crappy days, and days that just need a little music to fill in the silence. I hope you guys like it. 

In weakness you find strength from racheltanzy on 8tracks Radio.

8m54s

hahahahahahah.
Tonight, out of all the craziness I've felt the past few weeks, I took it to the next level by making an extra effort to sit down in front of my laptop and video myself attempting to coherently convince myself out of a panic attack.

8 minutes and 54 seconds.

When I replayed the video, all I was watching was myself crumbling, trying to fix things up, crumbling, trying to fix things up.... and eventually coming to acceptance of everything falling apart - which is the highlight of the video, really. When I was watching myself lose it on the video, I was crying watching myself.... hahahahahah now that I typed it out and read it in word form, I realised how fricking crazy this is sounding right now.

If this isn't pathetic, I don't know what is anymore.
I've been laughing at my craziness the past few weeks, everyone thinks that I'm taking it as a joke?? maybe I am but i think i can't deal with myself anymore???

Think I've said "crazy" too many times the last couple of weeks, even I don't know what crazy is anymore.


RACHEL IN LIFE 0 : 12913829 SUMMER SCHOOL/SHITTY PPL/LIFE/UNI/RACHEL'S MIND