8m54s

hahahahahahah.
Tonight, out of all the craziness I've felt the past few weeks, I took it to the next level by making an extra effort to sit down in front of my laptop and video myself attempting to coherently convince myself out of a panic attack.

8 minutes and 54 seconds.

When I replayed the video, all I was watching was myself crumbling, trying to fix things up, crumbling, trying to fix things up.... and eventually coming to acceptance of everything falling apart - which is the highlight of the video, really. When I was watching myself lose it on the video, I was crying watching myself.... hahahahahah now that I typed it out and read it in word form, I realised how fricking crazy this is sounding right now.

If this isn't pathetic, I don't know what is anymore.
I've been laughing at my craziness the past few weeks, everyone thinks that I'm taking it as a joke?? maybe I am but i think i can't deal with myself anymore???

Think I've said "crazy" too many times the last couple of weeks, even I don't know what crazy is anymore.


RACHEL IN LIFE 0 : 12913829 SUMMER SCHOOL/SHITTY PPL/LIFE/UNI/RACHEL'S MIND