1st Peak.

it's been a strenuous few days, because, "start of peak" they all say. It's been real shit. My balances don't tie up, throw in a 6 hour long meeting with the client, working till past 12 midnight consecutively for 2 nights, RIP complexion, gaining all the office weight because lunch and dinner + barely any cardio done... 

It's been a real trying week. 

Last night I got choked up on my stress and inability to get shit progressing as much as I would like to and found myself coming home at 1am, sitting by my mother's bedside with the simple intention of just wanting to see her. (At this point I haven't seen my mother in 2 days, she's always asleep when I come home) 

"Mummy," she stirred in her sleep and sensed that something was amidst after hearing my wavering voice. 

I ended up full on sobbing in front of her because I was suddenly overwhelmed by all these emotions- anger, sadness, the thought of quitting, the fact that I suck at this job etc etc etc. Thoughts that I've been trying so hard not to entertain bubbled up to the surface last night when I just simply wanted to see my sleeping mother. 

I cried so damn uglily, until I could hear the helplessness in my mother's voice, "so how... what do you want to do?" She didn't mean it in an angry manner. She truly meant it when she asked me, because all I could repeat in between my sobs was how much I wanted to quit this shit job. 

It was a good 15 minutes of crying and then I proceeded into my room to dry my hair, and nearly caught a panic attack because I was crying that hard and I couldn't find it within me to take slow deep breaths. I snuggled up in bed crying so helplessly and pathetically and my mother crawled out of bed and walked into my room. 

"Let's pray."

I've got to say, my main man Jesus got some skills up there. When I'm pushed to the limit with my own capabilities, He really took the wheel today. My senior found it within her to help me restructure my whole excel sheet and made the figures balance in about 2 hours - something that I have been working on the past 2 days. And after that, the financial director of the client came in asking if we had prepared that particular section's work and if we could share it with her. I was so so so soso sso so so saved by the grace of God because if my senior did not help me with that excel in the morning, things would not have moved an inch and I would still be caught up going in circles, and when the FD came to ask for the document, I wouldn't have been able to produce it. 

It's been a hectic week but through these small things I've learnt to be thankful for the small things where God has shown himself to me. 

I just can't wait to sleep my weekend away.