I’ve been formulating sentences and paragraphs in my head this whole week but never brought myself to put them down in paper or in this case, only ever typing this down because I saw a screenshot that she sent in the group and she’s using telegram x and I knew it was you who told her about the app because you told me about it, too. And suddenly, I’m on the toilet bowl at 7am in the morning crying because I saw that photo and got reminded of you and got reminded about how you two are probably still talking, bantering, hanging out more and how you and I stopped talking, bantering and hanging out. And how you’re no longer the top of my Instagram watcher list.
Perhaps it’s really been the case this week where I’ve effortlessly distanced myself away from everyone in Singapore, not only you, but especially you. Thank you, 7 hour time difference. So the distance helped. I still feel extra lonely but I thought it helped because I didn’t feel sad and cooped up anymore. Maybe it’s also because I threw myself into work this whole week. Been too caught up with the stress of this all that I didn’t have the mental capacity to really sit down with my emotions and let myself heal. Funny because now that the tube has no reception? I’ve been forcing myself to read the book of joy and I’ve gotten a lot of inner peace when reading about it. I thought I’ve healed myself. I thought I’m good again.
But then again this morning at 7am, getting triggered by just one fucking lame screenshot she shared... I’m still crying. I still hurt. And I still miss you. Maybe not as much, but I still do. Do you miss me too? Or am I so replaceable that you moved on so quickly?
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