“It’s not a matter of why. It’s a matter of when. And when is always in Gods timing”

Tonight was a series of firsts for our family.

1. We all knelt down and prayed together. Each individual prayer carefully crafted and spoke straight from the heart.

2. A 3 hour family meeting to solotionise, empathise and rationalise things out for papa. We didn’t have dinner and had Milo instead.

2a. A family meeting whereby Joshua and I spoke like adults and our words were taken in as adults in the situation.

3. Within 2 hours of hearing the news, we hopped on the first flight out to KL to be with papa.

4. After praying, papa started uncontrollably sobbing- probably after holding it in for the whole day and mummy, Joshua and I embraced him. Mummy stroked his back with her quivering voice saying, “it’s okay. It will be okay.” Joshua and I were still in embrace- mummy hugging papa, then me and then Joshua. Joshua and I then left the room quietly, I went to wash the empty cups and Joshua went to shower.

5. For the first time, I am completely at surrender with god but at the same time with faith I believe that despite this shitty circumstance, we can get through this and the timing is divine as it could not have been at a better time whereby we have no more financial obligations.

In times of crisis management like this, I am very blessed to have god our understanding bosses in my life, my family, my Brother, my friends and there is really no one else I can thank but God.

It’s the fight or flight instinct that kicks your adrenaline and clarity back into perspective. Trying to solutionise, trying to empathise and be the pillar of support for your parents when both have broken down. For the children to grow up and be the source of strength. Today I heard my father cry on the phone for the first time, it’s humanising. But at the same time how does a daughters heart not break at the sound of her fathers sniffles and silence? He’s trying to keep his shit together and all I could tell him across the phone is that we will get through this together as a family. We will be there with him in a few hours. We’re going to be okay.

My Mother also told me she cried while trying to get her leave approved. My bosses also witnessed me cry today. After trying to be strong and talk through this with my Father, I collapsed into my seat and told my bosses I needed to take urgent leave. People really don’t fucking know the impact they cause to one another just based off selfish, evil desires. They lose the whole viewpoint of compassion and humanity. Only focused on ridding you out of the game.


I never want to see my parents so hurt. Neither do I want to see them cry.