Oh well, oh well I still hope for the best.

yes!!!!!! my life is officially complete. I get to see AJ Rafael in Singapore!!!!!!!!!!!!
No amount of exclamation marks can express how excited I am to see him. Have been watching his youtube videos for about 4 years now and i've seen him grow up and his music getting better and better. :")
Really can't wait to see him in real life and maybe (hopefully) have a conversation with him.

when I saw his tweet while working at mooshi, almost screamed. :D

yes, this is a happy post.

Working at mooshi was okay, but I need to brush up on my coffee making skills.
Netball chalet for 3D2N starting tomorrow!
STOKED.

I want you to fall apart like I did.

I don't bother trying anymore. Just let it consume you, let you drown, run away.
That's all I'm good at. Running away.
I cannot stop thinking, wishing and hoping that what i'm feeling now is all a dream.
This is bullshit. I'm so incoherent right now I don't even know what I am talking about.

Every night I think about you and her. How happy you two seem. I gave up on us, I left us first. But now I'm the one still hung up and still going back to where we were, while you go out and have your own fun. All this while, I thought I was the one that left you. But in true fact, you left me.

It always ends up like this. I leave. Well, I thought I left. But then they end up leaving me. One by fucking one.

PS. And who says you have to be attached to enjoy the christmas lights down orchard road? I'm single and I'm still gonna soak up every single christmas-y feeling exploding out from Orchard. So suck it, love birds.

12:49 AM. People change.

Jodie told me in the train just now that I can't do ah lian poses.... So I came home and tried. Does this pass? I don't know.

Have been really busy ever since Os ended. Didn't even have a proper day to actually stay at home for a day and just relax. Prom -> Marina Bay Sands -> Joshua's birthday dinner -> Universal Studios -> Work starts -> Ngee Ann Poly Red Camp 8. I guess life's good and I can't complain. Though I miss some of my friends, but it's alright. Because being busy keeps me away from all the negative thoughts and what not, so that's a good thing.

Went facebook stalking again, and damn it. It never fails to amaze me how someone you've known for a while can change so drastically. And because you haven't spoken to them, and then you see their looks change, you feel as though you don't know them anymore because in your head it's still them having that old hair cut and old clothes - the things you were so familiar with. I don't know, maybe I don't make sense but fuck it, it's been a year. People change, people change, people change. You've changed, I've changed.

Tomorrow is josh's results day for PSLE. Feeling quite worried for him ever since that nightmare about him getting 188 for PSLE and I was flipping shit.

Work on friday at my aunt's office and then work on saturday, birthday dinner for josh on sunday again. Packed weekend. Honestly, I like my days packed. Because I sleep so much better in the night. I stop thinking.

Hope everyone's having a good holiday.

Life makes love look hard.

So i'm back from a 3 day 2 night stay at Marina Bay Sands.
Prom night was wonderful, magical, and everyone looked so beautiful. :") Really can't believe I've been with these girls for 4 years, and some even more than 4 years.
Seems like yesterday I was just looking at our senior's prom pictures and wondering what our prom was going to be like, and now I'm checking facebook and laughing at our prom photos. Time really flies.
The past few days were really fun with the best friends anyone could ever ask for. Without any of them I don't think we'll have as much fun as we did. So thank you to Jamie Nicole Jodie Glenda Sasha Lavelle and Aralin for being such wonderful friends. Love ya likka luv song.

Being home is great as well. I've missed my family so much. Dad's knee is hurting, and hopefully he'll be okay soon. Hurts to see him struggle like this. Josh's PSLE results are coming out this Thursday, feeling really nervous for him and hopefully he'll get into ACSI. Dinner with the cousins tonight. Alex and I were trying to step mat and it made me laugh my butt off. Went to the airport for ice cream and bumped into Jamie. Small world.

It's 2:43am and I have to be up at 8:30am!!!!!!!!! Ah my body clock is so screwed. After church, going to meet with my baby boy Darryl. Haven't seen him in the longest time and I miss him so much. It's going to be a good sunday. And on monday we're heading to USS!!! Excited.

1.

so i dyed my virgin hair and yes.
it's.....
I don't know how to explain it.
But my mum seems okay with it. I don't even know why I feel so-
not excited. Well, not as excited as I thought I would be.
Maybe sitting there at the hairdressers for 5 hours burnt off all the excitement that I initially had.
Mistika came and got her hair highlighted, and it looks so pretty. I absolutely love it.
:")
The hairdressers there are also really nice, and the prices are really really damn reasonable.
Anyone wants them come ask me, i'll gladly give you their address bla bla.
My 3-tone hair colour + treatment+ bought shampoo + the hairdresser gave me a bottle of free hair oil for a total of $165! So worth it compared to the ones I hunted down in far east. Pssh.

Anyway so here are photos taken from my brother's macbook PRO.
Lighting kinda sucks though.

ok bye prom is tomorrow cheryl is coming over soon.

Last night I was so afraid of falling asleep. And that doesn't usually happen. I had 3 nightmares from the night before and during my afternoon nap. I brought my phone up, scrolled through my contacts. 1:45am. No one was awake and I couldn't think of anyone to call. Alone, again.
Stupid dreams got the best of me. Woke up shaking and crying. Why the fuck did I think that there would actually be someone who cares to listen to my dumb dreams and tell me everything's alright? At the end of the night, I fell asleep comforting myself telling myself that it's just a dream, it's just a dream.
Everyone leaves, everyone leaves.

I've read too many happy endings, heard too many touching stories that I end up believing that everything ends happy. Everything is beautiful. True love is just around the corner. Staying positive would get you somewhere. You've heard these lines being said so many times it sinks in and then you start to believe it. But no. I've lost it. I don't want to believe anymore, I don't. Better to not have any hopes and expectations of anything because when nothing happens, at least you won't blame yourself for being so stupid for actually believing in all this bullshit.

I didn't know one night could lead me to think of this. I must be going crazy.

Did I lose everything I need to survive?

This afternoon was well spent, I've got to say.
Caught up with my neighbour for about 12 years, Joshua.
He heard my brother and I talking downstairs and came down to join us. He played football with my brother, and I mean, it felt just like when we were back in primary school. Everyday during the holidays, without any fail, Joshua, Julius, korkor Darien and Hubert, my brother and I would all be downstairs playing soccer or badminton, or chasing birds. Then korkor Darien and Hubert went to army, they moved out. The rest of us just, well, grew up, we got busy, other stuff to do, blabla.
Only until today, Joshua and I were just talking about last time, and I just realised how much time has flown. I mean, we're all growing up so fast. HELL, I'm graduated from secondary school and I have prom in a week.

Today just felt so nostalgic I guess. Sitting on the stone chairs, under the same coconut trees, same chairs, same view of the old house, just at a different time. I'm afraid. Because I can feel myself growing up, and soon enough I know i'll slowly forget all these little details of when we were kids.

I've been feeling rather empty these few days.....
I don't really know how to explain it, but just- empty.

Feeling too laid back these few days, and i'm hoping i'm not the only one feeling this way.

So, during the past year, ever since I came back from USA there were some songs that I stopped listening to.
Like, you know, when they come up on your ipod you just skip them. Yup, the irony was, that those songs I skip are songs that meant a lot back in dec + USA period. And last night, one of those songs came up on my ipod again, and usually i'd skip it but I decided to let it play. Closed my eyes and the night before leaving for USA and the plane ride memories all came flooding back. In fact, I remember it so vividly I refuse to believe it's been about a year since all this.

I don't get it. I always feel so nostalgic during the November and December period.
Sometimes I kinda hate myself for doing so.

Procrastination is back.
I've given in yet again.
To everything.
Why can't I just have the determination.

It's just one of those nights when you feel completely and absolutely worthless.
I guess the only good thing that came out of hell week was that I was so occupied studying that I didn't have time to fully submerge in my own pathetic thoughts. And now they're back.

Leaving someone, why do so many people like to view that as someone being cold and heartless? If for the right reasons, and it's the right time, then I don't see any reason why leaving should be a bad thing. I don't get it. Moving on = forgetting the past? When you move on it seems as though you're chucking all the memories and dreams you've held onto for so long into a corner of your brain and maybe never think of them again. And soon enough when someone asks you a question that requires details, you've realised that you've forgotten.

Like the simple things that i could so easily remember last time-
phone numbers, height, favourite colour, the tee shirts in your wardrobe, your handwriting.
All these I can't seem to remember anymore. It's a good thing, right?
I know it is.

There's no need for all this right now.
Why the hell am I even waiting for an answer that is never going to come?
Get a grip.

You've got it made

Survived hell week! Hell yes!
Today is a good day.
1. Hell week is officially over.
2. Went out with Jamie, Cassie, Glenda and Aralin. :) So much fun.
3. Went home to find out my beanies got delivered!
Really good buy! The red beanie was $11 the dark green one was $5.
I forgot khaki was green so i ordered it....... if i knew i would've gone for grey. Ah well, it's okay.
Red and green, I'm ready for Christmas.

Are you?

Ps. excuse the horrible hair. thx