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Last night I was so afraid of falling asleep. And that doesn't usually happen. I had 3 nightmares from the night before and during my afternoon nap. I brought my phone up, scrolled through my contacts. 1:45am. No one was awake and I couldn't think of anyone to call. Alone, again.
Stupid dreams got the best of me. Woke up shaking and crying. Why the fuck did I think that there would actually be someone who cares to listen to my dumb dreams and tell me everything's alright? At the end of the night, I fell asleep comforting myself telling myself that it's just a dream, it's just a dream.
Everyone leaves, everyone leaves.

I've read too many happy endings, heard too many touching stories that I end up believing that everything ends happy. Everything is beautiful. True love is just around the corner. Staying positive would get you somewhere. You've heard these lines being said so many times it sinks in and then you start to believe it. But no. I've lost it. I don't want to believe anymore, I don't. Better to not have any hopes and expectations of anything because when nothing happens, at least you won't blame yourself for being so stupid for actually believing in all this bullshit.

I didn't know one night could lead me to think of this. I must be going crazy.