What I've been up to..... ? Oh nothin' much.

Oh nostalgia you big fat bitch.
Well, at least it happened, right?
I miss the days when we were all slacking in class, sleeping in class, going crazy during recess. The smallest things trigger the most fondest memories sometimes. I miss that stupid green uniform as well.

Today was a well spent day meeting up with the group (again) for lunch, then headed off to meet Cheryl Ame and Jodie. Played mono deal like how lifeless losers would spend their time. And tomorrow, we are going to meet for lunch (fingers crossed that we would all be on time) and get nicole her guitar while I go and get bobby's strings changed.

Nothing much. I better get started on my revision for accounting and econs though.

You know I love you so

Oh well. Like they said, it takes a second to say hello but forever to say goodbye.
I keep losing track of time.

8 more weeks say what!?!?!!?

It's been a relatively tiring day. Started on math tuition again. Damn it feels so weird calculating the value of x and y after close to 6 months of not doing any maths. It made me realise how much i hate it. All over again.

Spent some time with my camp group. Couldn't ask for a better groups. All the guys and their 'guns' and fake abs all over the place.

Also, celebrated Sam's birthday!!! Happy Birthday sam, we love you from the bottom of our hearts. <3

An hour phone call with one of my bestest of the bestest best friends, Bryan Keefe Cresswell. Literally crying and laughing at the same time. Seriously I wouldn't know what to do without you. I honestly cannot function without all our bullshit we talk about and everything.

I am so tired of feeling this worn down all the time.

You've lost control and you want it back.

Empty.

i need some sort of motivation to get back on track. What track? any right track will do, thank you.

You have this way of falling in and out of time as it comes by.

A few out of the many pictures we took on the last day of NPSU Freshmen Orientation Camp. It was an amazing 4 days, with the most funny and amazing group leaders and members I could ever ask for. Dirty games, Night games, Wet games, Cheers, Meal Time would not be that much fun without them. So grateful for all the friends I've made over the past few days.

I actually feel that I belong here. That Ngee Ann Poly is my school. That sense of pride you get when you're cheering that cheer at the top of your voice, you turn to your left and right and you see school mates, course mates, friends. I belong here.

But then when everyone was crying- when I say everyone, I also include the big burly guys from camp comm to Group Leaders who are 18 and older. I was numb. Because at the back of my head I know I've been telling myself that I'm leaving after 2 months here. I've told myself plenty of times that I'm not allowed to get so emotionally attached to this school, and so attached to the people here. So I didn't cry at first. I actually think I looked completely heartless because when the video was playing and everything, everyone around me started crying and saying all their "I miss yous" and "stay in contact" and I was just giving hugs telling everyone that it would be okay. But when Bern came up to me and gave me a hug, half sobbing and half talking, telling me how grateful she was that I was her first friend she made in our group, our crazy girls school theories and thoughts about mixed school girls and chinese speaking people, how much she would miss me when we go our separate ways and she told me that we still had to hang out even after camp for the next three years. And subsequently hugging all the other guys i've grown so close to telling me "I love you" "Thank you for being so amazing" "see you in the next 3 years".......

See you in the next 3 years.

I felt so horrible and twisted inside whenever I heard that. I can't because I'm only going to be seeing you in the next 2 months and after that I'll be gone. But I couldn't tell anyone that. I tried not to let myself go there because I truly felt like I belong here and I belong here for the next 3 years. So I cried. Cried so hard when hugging Bern, Fir, Marcus, Jane, Cecilia, Syam, the leaders Lydia, Hui Choo and Ben. there's no other words to describe that feeling of nausea, guilt and sadness all mixed together. God damnit I'm such a sick bitch I hate myself for doing this. But some part of me wants this. The friends, the seniors, the family, the sense of belonging, that I belong somewhere.

I don't know. The last days of camps are always the hardest. Learnt that ever since the first camp I've been too. But this camp was special. And it was and is the hardest camp to let go of so far.

Hi there. I was lazy to type, so I talked. :)

My mind's been everywhere these few days. I tend to keep forgetting things and only remembering them when I crawl into bed at night. That isn't fun at all. And it's always things that I worry about.

Will I fit in what if it's too cold what if i get distracted can i actually do well enough are the people there nice what if they all hate me should i cut my hair should i change myself can i be different can i actually mean something to someone.

Well obviously that's more of the self-centered thoughts on my side.....
Every night before i sleep i make a list of things i need to pack, need to bring, need to buy before leaving and I always tell myself to get it on paper the next day but it never ever happens and that pisses me off. Procrastination, i hate you. Mental lists/notes suck big time. There's quite a few in my head already and I'm afraid i'll forget.

There's so many issues that seems to be overcrowding my mind at night. Damn it.
I guess i'll just have to take them down one at a time. And when it's over, i'll be okay.
I will be okay.

To summarize it all... the week's been pretty great.
I'm back working at mooshi. It's not that bad i guess. But damn it... the pay is so not attractive. :/

I hope everyone else is coping fine.

It's been a tiring few days, i think i'm going to fall sick soon.
But I am praying that I don't.
Jamie, Nicole and Glenda came over for an impromptu stay over last night, it was complete madness.
Heading over to MBS tomorrow for a tanning/catch up session with all the girls i've missed.
It's a busy week.

Here's one of the many crazy videos we did last night/morning @ 6am.



And to end off the post, here's one of my favourite youtube singers, Gabe Bondoc. He's way talented and his voice always soothes me. i don't know why, maybe you should try listening to him.



peace out :)

^ Above are some old films I recently got developed. It's that sense of excitement I get when I see the pictures and not remembering when I took them and get so happy. :) Film cameras are such amazing inventions.


The week has been quite okay. the highlight was definitely tonight where a bunch of friends and I went to go see the cab. I truly thank God all the time for giving us the best concert "seats" most of the time. Was right in front, and it was an amazing experience. And the cab sang every single one of my favourite songs, be it in the old album or the new album. They should totally come back.

Below are some of the photos. Can't really be bothered to upload that much but that's all i have.

Just finished watching "Blue Valentine". This is one of the reason why i absolutely love indie/independent films, because the emotions are just so raw. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams were so into character and played the married couple emotions so well, courting period and marriage failing period. Watched some interviews and turned out it was quite a long project and before shooting in order to prepare themselves, they actually lived together in character for about a month. And it really did pay off. The emotions and the script came to life, I don't exactly know how to explain this movie. It wasn't mind blowing or thrilling or exciting. It really just depicts a real-life example of a couple and showing it's good sides and bad sides of marriage and how tolerance and love somehow come together. Although i really hated the ending because it started the waterworks for a while.

"Blue Valentine" is a definite must watch. It should get more recognition.

I feel as though i've been living in a bubble lately.... like everything is just so surreal. I need a jolt, something shocking, something to wake me up. To stop me from feeling so numb all the time.

Yes, a walk. Maybe the walk at macritchie would help with this.
I'm getting so sick of routines.

So here's a summary of what I did the past week.
Nothing much. Went out with a few friends.