Dreams v Nightmares

This morning I woke up with my eyes wet. I've only ever cried in my sleep once.

There's only so much I can handle and honestly I think I've overloaded everything that its packed to the brim and wanting to explode, but there's no time. There's simply no time to sink. I choose not to.

Maybe its due to the fact that I've only been clocking in about an average of 4 hours of sleep for the past week. Or maybe its due to all my inabilities to contain the stress I've been dealing with, trying to surpress everything that seems too overwhelming for me to handle. Maybe, just maybe. 

But I dreamt of you, and you. You came back. Its been years and I've been long over it. We were young and I was stupid and whatever we had were just based on texts messages and long phone calls that now seems so far away that I can barely remember anything. But in my dream you were so real, and you came back. In my dreams we talked, and talked, and talked some more. I told you about how you should have just stayed and how that yellow turtleneck sweater didnt suit you at all. It started to rain and I was sitting in an exam hall taking my exam, while you were waiting outside for me. We were then running about in some building and you grabbed my arm and told me you were sorry. You told me to stay. I cried.

You haunt me in my dreams and I get sad because maybe its the way my mind tells me that I actually miss you. We havent spoken for 2 years now, except for that call in january this year that lasted about 10seconds. Haha, I still remember how my heart jumped when I saw your contact appear on my phone screen. I bet you never think about us, or me anymore. But thats okay because I dont, too. But I do dream about you and when I do, its always around the same thing. So I guess I kind of miss you.

Evidently there's some hint of hysteria and madness that is apparent in my dreams but I guess its just the stress invading my sleep as well.

I dreamt of you, too. But from afar. You looked happy and in another dream of you - the one where I woke myself up because I was crying - you told me that it was never me. That I was nothing and that I never meant anything. This time, I really was nothing. You couldn't see me and you looked the best that you've been. I've never seen you smile the way you do with her when we were what we were.

I woke up crying, again. Followed by my 5 alarms ringing from my speakers and my phone. I looked at my clock, 8:30am. Which means I got 7 hours of sleep- the longest I've had for the past week. I took a deep breath, wiped my tears away, and embraced today.