I am

At the point where my heart is about to explode with too many thoughts where Augustus Waters would say "my thoughts are stars I can't fanthom into constellations" - to put it slightly more artistically. "I See Fire" by Ed Sheeran is playing and I can't seem to put a finger as to what I'm feeling. Somewhat sad, nostalgic, afraid, confused? Too fast. Everything is moving too fast. Tonight a conversation struck me where we were talking how we're usually forced to grow up under so many circumstances and how the environment has shaped us to believe yes to grow up to quickly earn that big cheque is the right thing to do and kids can't be kids for too long quickly this quickly do that only because it's right in our point of view it's acceptable and considered almost natural for us and someone stopped us with this one sentence saying, "is it really though? That children should be growing up faster than they actually should." It was silent. And the only thing we caught ourselves blaming was society.

I am a product of my environment, the society, my culture, my family, my family's family-

I am a product.

And tonight this sentence hits me the most. I feel almost like nothing, because what really am I made up of if these things make me who I am today??????? Fuck, my brain is about to combust and I feel like sinking all over again.