Dreams Like These Don't Come True

Last night you snuck your way into my dreams again. 

It was after graduation, training day at the office, and the lifts stopped working and I had to take the stairs to head down for my lunch break. The floor was packed with people and everyone looked bored, tired and rude. They were all in white and I was getting anxious, the type of anxious that creeps up from the bottom of your stomach and constricts your breathing. I was looking for someone amongst all the plain-faced and blank stares I passed, but I didn't know the person I was looking for was you until I felt a hand grab me, and I turned around and saw your face staring right at me with a reassuring look that made any form of anxiousness melt away into the ground we were standing on. 

Suddenly we were in the school toilet, funny because you weren't from my secondary school, but whatever, it's a dream after all. Dreams like these don't come true. We were talking and laughing but no matter how hard I try to recall what we were laughing about, all I can see is our scrunched up faces laughing at something so funny, the kind of face I get to see on you on days where you're laughing your hardest. The purest and simplest type of laugh. I still don't know what we were talking about. 

I was dreaming that I was on my bed back in Singapore because it was double decker and the floor was parquet. You appeared on top of me and wished me good morning, with that smile of yours that I can't seem to erase off my mind. You hugged me and told me to get ready for something, and you inched your face so close to mine I swear I could see your eyelashes so upclose again. I say again because if I just reached out to touch your face in my dream, it would just be like what I used to do to you when we were seventeen- my fingers traced every groove of your face, from your eyebrows to your eyelashes, to your nose, and to your lips. You smiled, but our lips never touched in my dream. I smiled back and then you disappeared. 

Sometimes I wish we could be the best of friends without any of these non-platonic feeling, non-platonic kind of love. I've been okay the last 2 weeks, and I haven't felt like sinking yet. 

How are you? Are you eating well? I hope you're not only eating bread. Is she giving you your allowance now? Are you guys talking? Is everything at home okay? Is school okay? Did you run for committee in the end, after listening to what I had to say back in Jan? Are you contented? How are your siblings? Send a flying kiss to the younger one for me. (Stop being jealous all the time whenever I say that). Why do you still like her photos? Doesn't your heart skip a beat and your chest tighten when you see her with someone else? Have you completed that song you told me you were writing halfway? Does she make you happy,  like the real kind of happy, or is it just another infatuation? Are you in love? So are you the settler or the reacher? Are you starting to wear your heart on your sleeve a little bit more or you're still as closed up? No really, how are you? Have I ever appeared in your dreams like how you visit mine sometimes? Do you ever miss me? Have you formulated words and posts and songs and messages to try to talk to me, like what I'm doing now?  

(I try to wash you out of my mind every night whenever I take a hot shower)
((But these questions always seem to pile up and I don't know what to do))