Some people just get lucky.
Others don't.
On saturday night I found myself somewhere where I never wanted to be, caught up with my own emotions I've been trying to suppress for too long. I've come to hate how it feels like to be weak, or even let myself feel vulnerable for a moment. Too many times, I've convinced myself that there's no time to be this way and it is completely redundant to be feeling like this because this is how it is - it's just a matter of accepting facts.
Let me just give a fair warning that choking back on tears, and finding yourself unable to speak because you know you'll give way the moment something comes out of your mouth- is definitely not something you will enjoy.
I felt completely out of whack and half impressed at my capability to break down and hyperventilate for a few seconds and piece myself back together in the next few seconds laughing at how stupid this whole situation is. I'm tired.
It's true. I'm tired of being happy for others. I want to be selfish and be happy for myself for just once. One time. Be it because of greediness, because I'm self-indulgent and egoistic, whatever you may call it- I want to be happy for myself.
Does this even make sense? Maybe not. Maybe I don't deserve any of this.
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