Twenty One

If I thought back on the year I turned seventeen, it was about moving to Melbourne and you. 

If I thought back on the year I turned eighteen, it was about moving on from you and picking up pieces.

And now, thinking about how I would like to think back on the year I turn twenty one, I want it to be filled of happy memories - with and without you. It is going to be big year of changes and uncertainty, and not for a second do I want to cloud it up with mixed up emotions and thoughts of you anymore. I'm done with poking and digging at a wound that was supposed to be long healed for the last one month.

As much as I hate to admit it - like how I can't bring myself to accept all the words my friends have been throwing at me (but it is only the truth of it all), I think I will still sit down and look at the night sky plagued with stars (or lack thereof) and have the sound of your voice right by my ear, telling me that if I look hard enough, more stars will start to appear. And I'll close my eyes, laugh a bit and shake my head as if that will get rid of your voice playing in my head, and tell myself like how I told you, "if there are no stars up there, no matter how hard you stare, it's not going to appear. You're probably hallucinating."

If I were to ever move on, talk to other people and perhaps, find that they are genuinely good people - I will still try to find you like how we tried so hard to find "Virgo" on your stargazing app every time we looked up at the night sky, and it will be like how it was every time we tried to do so -

nothing.

This is my last post and this is me leaving everything - every thought, every feeling, every concern and every last bit of you lingering in my heart, mind and soul.