X

I keep complaining that the holidays have been too long and too draggy. I've been going stupid and missing all my friends. But when I think about the future, this is going to be the first and last longest holidays i'll ever have in my entire life until I retire. It really is sad. But I guess it's all about living in the moment, huh.

Life's been pretty mellow and nothing much has been going on. Have been thinking a lot these days, about..... stuff. Flipped through my diary and realised the last time i actually wrote a good amount of words in there was during Os. I either very stressed or I procrastinated a lot, and did everything else but study. I think it was both.
Read a few entries and realized whatever I worried about back in Jan 2011, is coming back. But this time, it's going to happen and it's going to happen fast. People tell you to "Treasure those around you" all the furicking time that you tend to take things for granted. Human nature, they always say. It's always when something hits you, something that causes you to sit up and really start to take a good look of yourself and how you treat and love people around you.

For example, back during TK days, it was so easy to see my friends. Whenever I had problems, they're there for me. I clearly remember that day after the night I found out about C, it was a rough first few lessons and then I couldn't take it during chinese class and walked out to the staircase and cried. Aralin was there and we talked and talked until I felt slightly better. Hugs along the corridor, hugs we give to one another when we see one of us sad, encouragement letters, love letters, nonsensical letters. All forms of love, we show. All forms of concern and care, it was so easy to show and tell each other because we see each other every day.

Well I guess I didn't treasure it hard enough because now when everyone's all in different schools, it's so hard to...... catch up. It's not easy to know how people are and doing as much as before because we don't see each other that often, and right now what i'm feeling is useless. Useless because I can't be there right next to her, asking if she's alright or not or telling her to cheer up in person. I don't know.

I kind of hate distance. And goodbyes. And leaving. I know, I know, change is constant. But the only constant I see in change is that it hurts every single fucking time.