I absolutely hate feeling this weak. Got my booklist today and the whole orientation package and then it hit me again like a fucking tidal wave. And this feeling that I've kind of forgotten came back. That whole heart racing, nervous wreck type of thing, you know? Don't really know how to put a finger on it but it basically feels like a panic attack slowly creeping up. It sucks. So many books, so much content to cram into my rusty brain in just 11 months or so. 11 months determining if I make it into Melbourne University or not. What if I can't do literature anymore? What if I can't understand poems like I could back then? What if I forgot all my maths stuff again? Accounting too? What if I mess up my econs? English diagnostic on the first day of school, what if i mess that up like how I messed up my O level english paper?
I'm doomed I'm screwed I'm nervous so fucking anxious.
So let me just sit here and look all pathetic and shitfaced while I curl up and rock myself telling myself to breathe, fucking breathe and that it's going to be okay because I'm not going to let anyone down, I'm not going to let myself down my dad just walked into the room and he told me that I'm going to turn out fine and that it's going to be a breeze he told me that I'm going to be okay 4 times he said "its okay" 4 times and I have to believe him I have to believe in myself because this is all i've got. One chance.
