It's really beginning to kick in and it's getting tougher every day. This never ends, does it.
Until I find myself a way to get rid of all of this...whatever you call it.
I'm tired but I can't sleep.
Never wished for something like this neither did I expect it to come.
Did I perceive this wrongly or maybe it was all made up in my stupid head?
Speaking of stupid I desperately need to get everything in my head sorted out because it's like a fucking twister in there and it's a mess. Need to stop feeling so pathetic all the time and disgusted with everything that I am.
Every. Fucking. Night. It's like a fucking warzone in my head and I swear it's taking it's toll on me.
Is it possible to just get through one night in peace?
Control control control. just how much control do I have over myself since i can't even control my mind and stop it from visiting unhappy thoughts and memories it screws me over all the time.
Got back most of my CT results during the past few days and all I've got to say, it's pretty amazing how I managed to get a fucking 12 for O levels either because I got so so so very lucky, the marker was sleepy or blind, or someone decided to change all my answers to the right ones. Ha. 12 points only because of tuition. Self-study? Your own effort? Pssh that shit doesn't work on me. My CT results says it all: Hopeless and useless. Stupid.
hahaha to think that I actually tried to convince everyone that I wanted to do well. In fact, all I was trying to do was to prove something to myself. And in the end, I failed. Just like everything I sought out to do in my life. Hopefully trinity won't fail on me. Wrong. Hopefully I won't fail on trinity.
