But the whole initial thing about being left alone in such a foreign country just makes the whole situation harder. I think I sort of retreat back into my shell, I don't know how to act in front of my new friends, what to say, what to do. This whole thing just tires me out.
I think it's because I've surrounded myself with the same group of friends for the past 4 years and counting i've so easily cheated my way out of placing myself in a COMPLETELY different environment and forced to make new friends and adapt.
Let me tell you, it's really tough. This morning I woke up feeling lonely. Not sad, not angry but just downright lonely. It's this feeling when all I need to do to make myself feel better is take a bus down to Ngee Ann and see all my lovely friends and tell myself this is all I need. This is all i need. Not crawl under my blanket and curl up into a ball and cry into my pillow because the walls here are so bloody hollow sounds pass through easily. hahahahahah so pathetic.
Funny huh. Rachel Tan cannot adapt, can't adapt, struggling to make new friends. I've been so comfortable with the friends i've surrounded myself back in singapore it's so hard to talk to other unfamiliar people. It's like culture shock all over again. And this time, the people here are so different than the friends i have back at home. It's just different. And I'm always at a lost at what to do.
Home. Can't wait to get back and give all my best friends a hug and tell them how much they mean in my life.
September. In the mean time, I'll just smile and play along.
"You're new here?"
"You're othilia's friend?"
"What are you studying?"
"School?"
"why come in july?"
God would I kill to be in the comfort of my own room back in Singapore, listening to my brother rant about useless things to me and hearing my mum's nagging in the living room.
