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Because you win some and you lose some, why can't I just get that drilled into my head by now.

Last night we were just talking about the friends we've lost along the way and I thought about 2 people. One that I've already lost, I've also given up on trying to save it (because it simply isn't worth it after the past few years). And another that I feel I'm losing.

Figured I'm always getting myself caught up in these shitty situations because I always tell myself to believe in them, no matter how many times they tell me something but go back on their words, I always somehow manage to convince myself that they wouldn't do it again. That this time, it'll be different. Never happens.

Always hoping for the best. To think about it, it was one of the most manipulative and tiring friendships I ever went through- got taken advantage of, ignored other people's advices about getting close to that person, got lied to many times. And even after all that, I still chose believe that they might change for the better and that it'll be okay because you know, we're kinda like best friends. Now when I recall most of the fights we had, it was always revolving around the same thing. When I think back on the times I really needed you as a friend, you were only there to listen momentarily to the story. And when you needed someone, I stayed up all though the night, listening and listening. When you needed anything else, you never hesitated to ask because you knew I would do anything (back then) to help you. Blind, I was so blind.

Last night just proved that I was wrong about people again. I need to stop being so gullible and hopeful. Because there is nothing more devastating when you find out you've been hoping and waiting for absolutely nothing. You feel cheated, sad and unimportant. Not saying that I should be seen as important to somebody, but I thought I might mean at least something based on the amount of rubbish we've been through the past few years.

Oh well, like they always say: you only stop hurting when you stop caring. I might start doing that because it sucks to be on the losing end. And in my case, seems like I'm always on the losing end. I'm fucking tired.