X

To lie in your bed at 2:30 in the morning, being kept awake by the thoughts you wish would just disappear and never come back again is by far one of the worst feelings ever. My mind wanders off into the "could have"s and "should have"s and "why didn't I"s, and its all ending up with the same reason, where the cause of the issue all bows down to one problem, which is me and my lack of or maybe just whatever I am.

I woke up at 3 pm today, still tired and could not find anything in me to get out of bed and start (or attempt to start) living. The past 2 weeks have been so draining, and mentally exhausting, having to handle life in general, alongside other people's useless redundant shit they like to stir for themselves, allowing them to be the star of their own drama, blowing up simple issues into big mega blockbusters that everyone has to be a part of. I'm over this, and it's disgusting to see you stoop that low - but then again maybe we're of the same level. I know I know, to not point out that speck of sawdust in other people's eye and notice that plank in mine is something that I understand what baffles me is just our incapability to just sometimes shut the fuck up and deal with shit.

So many times I feel like whatever this is, I can always hear your voice in my head telling me to shut up and get over it. And I always feel like I should, because you're the one that seems more of this than I am but a part of me gets ticked off as to why people are allowed to feel this way and there are some that simply don't.

oh my god I wish I was coherent enough to link my thoughts into sentences. I wish I wish I wish. I guess to be hopeful is something that isn't for me at all.

Shouldn't have eaten so much today, because right now I feel like everything is about to come right out and I feel so sick of everything, literally. The next 3 days is going to be hell.