You're lucky.

Instead of laughing and poking fun at those 16, 17 year olds and their instagram/blog/twitter posts, filled with dedications and revelations on how they might have found The One, I've come to realise that it's more brave than silly, really.

If someone were to ask me to take that leap of faith into the unknown, being so fearlessly ready to commit to someone with all my secrets, emotions, feelings and thoughts all kept with one person, I would have immediately declined this gamble.

I now look at these people with so much admiration and a tinge of jealousy, because I can only imagine, how big a risk it is to invest this much of you in them, and be envious at the same time at how things have flourished in the relationship making both of them grow to be better people than they were before.

This week I stumbled across this girl's blog, where she writes so beautifully about her relationship with her boyfriend, I talked about relationships with a close friend and she told me the stories and lessons about her relationship with her boyfriend of 2 coming 3 years, I heard about fights that happened between one of my closest friends who are a couple as well and I was updated on one of my best friend's relationship lately and shared a couple of laughs over the silly things they argued about.

Being with someone you love so much but can find the means in you to hate so much at times....is something that I have never experienced before. To throw honest, heartbreaking words at each other in the midst of a quarrel is something I've never done before. To have someone as a constant, to see you through the good the bad and the ugly... someone whom you know you can immediately run towards when you have anything, anything at all - be it a bad day at school, a tummy ache, or to tell him that weird dream you had last night, or to share your darkest secrets with... But through all of this, you have the comfort that they're still there, at the end of the day. No matter how many detours you take, one of the few constant things you have in this crazy crazy, hormonal-pms-raging-emotional teenage life, is them. That they'll be there to conquer anything, head on.

It somewhat sounds like a whirlwind of emotions, but at least I guess there's someone there that's going through it with you. Must be something that's a out-of-this-world experience... Must be something good though, right? Since everything I've read and heard about from people, books and music seems to glorify this thing called "relationships" or "being together" or "finding the one" (or someone you think is the one but ends up being not haha)

The heartbreaks, the tears, the immense joy, the wonderful memories, the kisses that say "I'm sorry", the words that speak to your heart are the same ones you'll grow to believe... I hope one day, maybe just one day - if I'm lucky and deserving enough, I'll be able to experience it.

But for now, my heart is void of all emotions, my energy is nearing zero and I am simply too exhausted. In time to come, maybe I'll get better than this. :-)