It was probably a mistake
having two cups of coffee and a lao hong cigarette,
giving rise to my trembling hands
and have old friends asking me about my plans after graduating,
when I can barely make the decision between choosing a Mornington road trip this easter or
playing netball and a birthday celebration.
What they say is always right you know,
the choices you make define who you are as a person
and I'm always caught up
always struggling
to make the best decisions that I think would be good for me
to be at peace with my decisions without regretting the other
I've got too much time
too little courage and confidence in myself
to be assured of the fact that
I am going to be okay,
everything is okay and that
this lingering feeling of melancholy is just self-inflicted
It was probably a mistake
now staring at my shaking hands and having the bad after taste of the lao hong ciagrette in my mouth-
I can't swallow it down
not this aching feeling in the pit of my stomach,
this tightening contraction in my heart,
and not the thought of everything else that seems to be engulfing me all at once
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