Dear diary,
I am writing this post, ignoring the fact that there are people reading this. Tonight, I've come to realise that I'm going to miss my dad so much when I'm gone. I know that my dad and I had some rough times, when we had gone close to a month without speaking to each other. But he's always been my rock. He tells me what's right and what's wrong and still calls me his little girl. He wants the best for me, and only the best he doesn't want me to suffer like he did and make the same mistakes he did.
Josh's been away at church camp and the house feels seemingly quieter. No banging and clanging, no mum nagging at him to go study no dad pouncing on my brother asking him for a hug. It's just my parents and their quiet talks and me leaving them alone while I do my own things. Today my dad told me he wanted to get a proper camera and start taking pictures of joshua again. Because he has come to realise that when I was a kid, there was so many pictures of me growing up, bit by bit. But when Josh was a kid, there weren't many photos of him and my dad thought this would be a good time to take some pictures before it got too late and there's nothing to look back on when we're all grown up and moved out of the house. I honestly think my dad's afraid of growing older. Or maybe seeing us grow older. Sometimes I wish I could stay his little girl forever. The one he always complained about when I was a kid I didn't know how to say no and just kept eating until I puked everything out. Being daddy's little girl and listened to him when he told me to sit by the beach in australia to pose for a shot but ended up getting stung by jellyfish and it was my dad who carried me all the way and trying to hush me while he rushed me to the nearest place for some ice.
Had a talk with my parents about my future over dinner tonight. It wasn't any much of a lecture or a nagging type of talk where I'd usually zone out. Mum was understanding about the whole me not knowing what direction I want to go in the future and told me to take my own time to figure out what I wanted. My dad gave me a whole breakdown on why I should go with this path and what I could gain from it. It was never about him making me follow him in the footsteps of this field it was him trying to educate me and protect me from being conned, or bullied in the future when I came out to work.
"You can be stupid Rachel, but you cannot ever be financially stupid because that would ruin your life. You understand?"
He's my dad. Someone I can always look up to when I need help, some one that always thinks of the best way to protect his children from anything and he's all mine.
The screen's getting all blurry and shit while I'm typing this and I blame all of this on PMS.
