Today it hit me like a fucking wave. I thought I had everything under control, managing my feelings my thoughts telling myself: lets just leave it when the time comes. It's going to be okay. But no I can't leave it as that. My room is being packed up bit by bit, boxes all over the place, my mum's consistent nagging at me to pack up my shoes, my bags, my clothes, get everything sorted out. Counting down to when I end my maths tuition, counting down to CTs, 2 more weeks. This explains the cravings for every singaporean delicacy i can think of. I'm scared. Down right scared and terrified. The panic attacks are starting to happen I know so I can feel it coming. My heart beats faster and faster everytime I think about it. I cry in the shower because I suddenly thought of the scene of me leaving. I'm so scared of being alone of facing something new, somewhere I've never been to, some place foreign.
All these thoughts are coming back to fucking haunt me.
