In all honesty, a small part of me hoped that you would turn and look at me the time I looked at you, and maybe you'd recognize me too. A small smile, a nod in return, or even that annoying smug on your face would be fine. But no. I freaked out and I ducked. The only thing that was going through my head was: He might look at me and glare at me like he usually does. Or he might ignore me. Rejection, rejection, rejection. I didn't want that. I couldn't deal with anymore rejection right now, so I decided on running away. Simple.
Too many memories. And they kind of kill. It really sucks. Knowing someone and getting so close to someone, sharing almost every single holiday memory of 2010 with them, being best friends, long talks on the phone, the endless messaging.... comes down to nothing now. Not even friends. No talking. We barely even know each other anymore. It really is sad. All that I'm left with is memories. Nothing but memories and saying "Last time we used to....." "We used to..." "I remember..." Past tense.
Everyone tells me you're a dickhead, a douche, an asshole. But I don't blame you. I stopped blaming you, me, everyone. Because I've realised you can't help who you fall in love with. I liked you at all the wrong times and you fell for her. You can't blame your heart for feeling the way it is.
So before I freak out and run away the next time I might see you again, here's a whole bloody entry about how I feel after seeing you for less than 2 minutes.
