Average

Disappointment after disappointment. No more comparing everything with my O level results. One hit wonder. Never again. What was 12 points? So undeserving. Got lucky, all my tutors helped me out so much so thank you Mr Paul, Mrs Lam, TK teachers - that 12 points were your hard work and effort. So god damn it, I need to stop thinking I can be anything else more than that. Stop believing that that 12 points were my own effort and that I was actually smart enough to get that shit.

Because evidently I'm not. At all. Hell, even the students here that don't speak english as their first language gets a higher mark than I do for a lit essay. I should just dig a hole and hide my face from the rest of the world. Disappointment after disappointment. Haha it sucks it's just one of those days where it hits you that you are completely stupid on your own and can't even manage a lit essay by yourself. So stupid. I wish I could just give up but no I can't because a) it's basically throwing away a lot of my parents' hard earned money and I've screwed up enough b) it's unrealistic and immature c) I just fucking can't.

Don't know what I'm blabbering on about as well. Messed up my accounting paper last term even though it wasn't counted it still meant a lot to me since I sucked at accounting. And then today I found out, hey the lit essay i studied for throughout the whole weekend a few weeks ago, I messed it up too! Average, just average the teacher said. I wasn't even above average. Should've known.

Wish I could be sufficient for once, though. Thought I would be able to get my desired marks over here in Trinity because it is honestly less stressed up compared to singapore education, but I'm not. So this makes it more embarrassing that I can't even handle shit here in a place that is easier than poly or JC. Yes let's all throw a pity party and laugh at me being all pathetic because I am.

Fucking average piece of shit good for nothing useless. Grow the hell up. Average doesn't get you that 86 for Uni, average will just ruin your life, average doesn't bring you any fucking where.

This time there's no one to blame except for myself. Put in effort to actually study for this, but it's not enough. Everything's not enough. My fault, sorry to disappoint. I'm disappointed, too. Sucks to be this way.