Sunday, October 21, 2012

Had a good 11 hours of sleep today, but had 3 bad dreams in the midst of it. Just amazing. Knocked out on my bed with my econs notes sprawled all over my face/pillow till 6am, waking up realising that I was in that crazy state, packed everything up and went back to bed. The 3 bad dreams were insane, weird, horrible and just really.... Bad. Nightmares are bad dreams, but bad dreams are not always nightmares. I hope you get my drift.

Won't list down my crazy weird dreams here because I fear for my sanity and I don't think I need anyone else fearing it for me as well after knowing my dreams so..... Haha.

The past week I've been basically eating a lot, sleeping a hell lot and procrastinating in terms of studies and going to the gym. Bad week. I am the epitome of laziness.

Managed to Skype my parents for a good 2 hours last night, talking about almost everything. From my friends here in Trinity, my future, school, friends back in singapore, my laundry adventures, to discussing politics with my old man-god i miss that. Whenever I'm back in singapore, it seems that i'm always in the loop of the latest news locally and worldwide thanks to my dad religiously watching the 10pm chinese news and CNA/BBC/Bloomberg afterwards. Always took that for granted until i came here. So now, I've got to keep up with the news by myself and it's tough since I hate reading the newspaper. oh well, that's one of the things I miss when I'm here I guess. Hearing my dad and his view points on certain things going on in the world, and recently, being old enough- sharing with my dad my view on certain things.

Even though my dad says the harshest, meanest things that always seem to cut through me again and again no matter how many times it's been repeated, I still go back to him. I don't think I can ever be those rebellious kids that would run, fight or argue with their parents- even my dad uses this against me whenever he starts an argument. Weak and defenceless, I guess. But I'm grateful my mum was trying to tell my dad (discreetly, but failed) on camera that he should stop putting me down and encourage me instead. But see, I've hit the point where I don't fight or argue with my dad anymore when he says such things, because I agree with him. Every single thing he says is the hard truth, and I know it. Maybe my mum thinks he's being too hard on me, but it's a little too late for that because he's been like this for the past 17 years. Worse, when I was younger. Haha, it's not low self-esteem or whatever, it's just realisation of who/what you are, and I accept that.

There's really nothing interesting going on in my life right now so I apologise for the lack of updates. (if anyone actually bothers reading this haha) I don't post a gazillion photos and I tend to type a lot, so I apologise for being wordy and boring haha thanks for sticking it out with me. Till next time.


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