They tell me that we're on completely different pages and even though we laugh and chat endlessly about anything and everything - it is not love. Not in that way. It's hard for me to come to terms with this and it's taking too long I know, but it's probably because you are someone that I had once given my whole heart to. I was in love with you, at the same time in love with the idea of being in love with you and last but most importantly, the thought that I can't untangle myself from - I am so terribly obsessed with loving the idea of having you love me back. I still am, I still am. And now that I know what it is like to have you look at me and tell me that you love me, whether or not it was a lie or a reciprocating line to my "I love you"s, I believed it. And it allowed my heart and mind to manifest on the desire of you loving me back.
Yesterday was the first time you reminded me so harshly that "now the circumstance is different what", and I felt as if you were grabbing me by the shoulders and shaking me so vigorously, screaming "IT'S ALL FUCKING OVER. IT'S OVER. STOP. LET ME FUCKING GO." I snapped back with words I barely meant and regretted everything that I had told you that afternoon because I asked for it. I asked for the words that I read on the screen as a reply from you.
I set myself up in a position where I'm always hurting myself all the damn time, which is frustrating because I can't seem to get out of this cycle where I'm always causing damage and it's self-inflicted, it's self-destructive.
I set myself up in a position where I'm always hurting myself all the damn time, which is frustrating because I can't seem to get out of this cycle where I'm always causing damage and it's self-inflicted, it's self-destructive.
You're my Achilles heel.
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