Ruthole

Today has been one of those good days where I actually made time and spent it with people. Nicole always told me that whenever I'm in a bad place, I tend to surround myself with people and that is completely okay. All that I've been doing the last week is finding myself wallowing unnecessarily and finding time to just be sad about things. The last straw was last night, after feeling even shitter that I've finished my pack of cigarettes and having Mayday Parade blasting on my ipod, I was officially in the pits and it was that kind of feeling like I was taking a million steps back. I hated it. I have always hated going backwards and downwards, and sadly coming home this time felt a lot like that.

So today was a good day because I got to fill my time up listening and spending time with people that just basically remind me that I'm an individual person that doesn't need to latch onto someone or something or some feeling. That was something that felt completely freeing, which also served as a great reminder that I have my own time, thoughts and people to fill myself up with. It sounds like a weird concept and probably something very DUH now that I'm typing this down but it was something that I haven't reminded myself of recently and I've just been going back and forth, shuffling between my own obsessive thoughts of useless things. I had lunch with Jodie, hung out with Nicole in the afternoon, visited Lynn and caught up and had dinner with an acquaintance with great conversations. We even walked around Kino for a good hour or so and shared our favourite books, some of them we had in common and we chatted about them and then we proceeded to read lame books about our zodiac sign future for the upcoming Chinese New Year. We had a good laugh.

Actually, the reason why I'm probably so tired out from today is because I've been so busy speaking to these people and it takes effort I guess, to be so present and engaged in such satisfying conversations. I'm glad. We spoke about our lives, the future (which is the hot topic the last few months), secondary school shenanigans, caught up about Melbourne friends, university life, work, love, the shit in Syria, the shit in North Korea, politics, books, poetry, sports, travel, science...... Reflecting back on the topics of conversations I had, I can safely say that I loved every bit of today. :-)

I am so filled up with good conversations and it is so pleasant to be rid of all these unwanted feelings and the thought of being so hung up over things for just one day. 

Nicole told me that it's okay to be not okay, which is something that I 100% believe. And soon enough this mourning of the loss of something and the lack of something will soon be made up with the realisation that you can indeed carry on and move forward with yourself. Like how I've always been doing. I have a life outside of this rut and it shines ever so brightly, all I need to do is to get out of here one step at a time. Today was a baby step in the right direction and I am so glad I made the plans that I made today.