a new familiar nightmare

so last night I woke up at 3:30am in tears, because I dreamt of you leaving. Despite it being a different person I’m dreaming of, the recurring theme still seems to be the same. I’m starting to draw some similarities and maybe I’ve actually lost my mind. I dreamt we were in a dark hotel and I felt really lost and scared. My phone rang and my Mum was on the phone scolding me for hanging out with you and she told me she found out because she’s friends with your Mum. How cool was that? If our Mums were actually friends. I know they do smile at each other from time to time when they cross each other in church and you and I stop to talk. 

That aside, you planned for a surprise dinner with the both of us and randomly enough - Glenda and a neighbour I haven’t met in years. When I say down, you wiped something off from the right side of my face. 

The next place we were at was a laundromat. The vintage, hipster kind. The washing machines had this thing where if you put in money to wash, each washing machine would play a different track whilst washing your clothes. We put our money into the washing machine that played Hoobastank- The Reason. And we danced around the laundromat and laughed. 

And then suddenly you told me you needed to go.  I didn’t even get to say anything and you disappeared. I remember feeling lost in my dream and woke up in tears. 

Why do I constantly dream of the people I love leaving me in abrupt, happy situations. There must be a reason for this recurring theme. I’m afraid to delve too deep into the underlying issues that stems from this. 

But I did the same thing as I previously did with the other person I had a nightmare about. I texted you. Groggily, half awake and full of honesty. “Don’t leave” 

Don’t leave, please stay. I cannot imagine my life without you in it even though we were always sidelined in each other’s lives. This month it felt like we were moving out of the sidelines and into the playing field. I miss you and I want you to stay. Don’t leave. 

You texted me the same words she once said. “I promise I won’t leave.” “I’m sorry I made you cry in your dreams. That’s fucked up.” 

My heart hurts.