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It makes sense to have you in my life like that, and if it wasn’t for that one thing, that one insurmountable hurdle that’s stopping me, I’d be telling you that I like you too until I was blue in the face. It doesn’t really matter what that hurdle is, but please know that I fucking hate it. I’d give up anything to have that obstacle disappear. Except for the cause of the hurdle itself. You’re the one missing puzzle piece that I’ve been looking for. 

I don’t know if you’re the center part that brings the entire picture into focus, or the corner piece that stabilizes it all, or the keystone bit that holds up all the other pieces, because I can’t ever actually fit you into place. It’s that goddamn hurdle stopping me, staying my hand. But what I do know is that you make everything else fit together all tight and tidy. 

Without you, there’s a giant gaping hole where nothing else can possibly fit. I have to choose between everything else…and you. I don’t get to have both. And I have to ask myself, which part is more important? Which is more complete without the other? I can’t like you, either. I know I said that already, but maybe if I keep repeating it, it will finally sink in and become reality. Or maybe I’ll just start saying “I don’t like you” to try and convince myself. That’s what they say, right? Repeat a lie enough times and it becomes the truth. 

Why can’t we just do that? Act like a pair of broken records that play the same lie over and over again until it becomes the truth and we can go back to the way things were before we got all sentimental and emotive.

I know you can’t like me, and I can’t like you, either. But that’s not stopping me, and I’m sorry.