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Probably heard one of the worst things anyone could hear tonight. Everyone likes stability, right? To know that things won't change out all of a sudden, to know that there's a constant flow of something. Even if something is about to change, we all like to be prepared, to be caught prepared - if that made any sense.

It's been close to 6 years since I've heard something like this. And I guess this time around, I'm older and I can comprehend things better than my 13 year old self - I feel the impact hitting way harder than before. And being thousands of miles away, it sickens me even more that my ability to help is about negative infinity.

All I can do is pray, hope and study the hardest that I can.

It hasn't fully hit me yet, the seriousness and implications all of this might lead to and I'm so scared. So, so so scared as to what the future might look like.

Times like these I really can't wait to graduate and get the hell out of melbourne and start to work and feel like less of a burden to my family and one day I'm going to start some business of some sort, or work my ass off until I become financially independent and I can provide for parents, my brother, my loved ones and hold some sort of protective shield around them making sure they don't get hurt anymore. They've seen felt heard and gone through so much more than me and what the hell am I doing sometimes? I really cannot comprehend my stupidity and naiveness sometimes it disgusts me. God let me out of this.

God said he won't put us through something we cannot go through. We can do all things through Christ who will strengthen us right? I come running back in open arms, God give me something to believe in. Because all that's left is You.